10/10/07
"Family's the most important thing in your life" is what my mother has always told me all of my life. That's what I was raised to believe and what I do believe. Family is one of the most important things to me but not to the extent of what my family wants me to find it.
Every holiday, every vacation, every family get-together, every single time my parents decided to go somewhere we went as a family. For me it did not matter if I wanted to go or not but that I felt I had to go, that I had no choice in the matter. That's how it was all of my life with little or no complaints, not that I didn't have any. We were always a very close family and always doing things together, always. It wasn't until about a year ago that I started thinking my very close family might be too close.
Throughout high school and my first year of college my mother complained "Why don't you go out more with your friends?" Truth is I never really had that much luck picking out friends, didn't have much in common with the ones I had and would rather be home most of my time. At that time I would rather be home and spend time with my animals than be with most of
my friends. It wasn't until the summer after my first year of college that things changed. Near the end of the summer I got a boyfriend. This was the first time that I ever really wanted to spend time with someone other than my family.
By the time I was finally going out like my mother wanted that the problems started to occur. I later realized I fell in love with my boyfriend and would be with him every chance I could. I was out every weekend and some days during the week after school for a few hours. During the weekend I would come home with my boyfriend to walk and take care of my dog for an hour or two. However, one of the reasons the problems started was when my family would complain saying "You're gone all the time now." Another problem would be that I would have plans and my family wouldn't say that they had plans already so that most of the time I wouldn't go with them. They were never happy when I wouldn't go with them but I didn't feel the need anymore that I had to go with them all of the time. This was the first time I really felt that I had a choice. However, now I am a full-time student with a part-time job so I have very little spare time and want to spend most of that time with my boyfriend.
I may not be around as much as my family would like, I'm not available 24/7 with nothing to do anymore, but I'm 20 years old and finally want to be out other than with my family. I still make time with my family even if they don't realize it. I would stay home a little later, try and have dinner with them, spend time with them when I would be home and if knew they had plans I'd plan to go with them when I could. I believe having a close family is important but not to the point of suffocation. I think it's good to want to spend time with one's own family but don't think it's necessary to do every little thing with them. I also feel that the more they make me feel that I have to be and do things with them every time they want the more I feel I'll be driven away from them for a sense of freedom.
Every holiday, every vacation, every family get-together, every single time my parents decided to go somewhere we went as a family. For me it did not matter if I wanted to go or not but that I felt I had to go, that I had no choice in the matter. That's how it was all of my life with little or no complaints, not that I didn't have any. We were always a very close family and always doing things together, always. It wasn't until about a year ago that I started thinking my very close family might be too close.
Throughout high school and my first year of college my mother complained "Why don't you go out more with your friends?" Truth is I never really had that much luck picking out friends, didn't have much in common with the ones I had and would rather be home most of my time. At that time I would rather be home and spend time with my animals than be with most of
my friends. It wasn't until the summer after my first year of college that things changed. Near the end of the summer I got a boyfriend. This was the first time that I ever really wanted to spend time with someone other than my family.
By the time I was finally going out like my mother wanted that the problems started to occur. I later realized I fell in love with my boyfriend and would be with him every chance I could. I was out every weekend and some days during the week after school for a few hours. During the weekend I would come home with my boyfriend to walk and take care of my dog for an hour or two. However, one of the reasons the problems started was when my family would complain saying "You're gone all the time now." Another problem would be that I would have plans and my family wouldn't say that they had plans already so that most of the time I wouldn't go with them. They were never happy when I wouldn't go with them but I didn't feel the need anymore that I had to go with them all of the time. This was the first time I really felt that I had a choice. However, now I am a full-time student with a part-time job so I have very little spare time and want to spend most of that time with my boyfriend.
I may not be around as much as my family would like, I'm not available 24/7 with nothing to do anymore, but I'm 20 years old and finally want to be out other than with my family. I still make time with my family even if they don't realize it. I would stay home a little later, try and have dinner with them, spend time with them when I would be home and if knew they had plans I'd plan to go with them when I could. I believe having a close family is important but not to the point of suffocation. I think it's good to want to spend time with one's own family but don't think it's necessary to do every little thing with them. I also feel that the more they make me feel that I have to be and do things with them every time they want the more I feel I'll be driven away from them for a sense of freedom.
posted by Lauren at
8:18:00 AM
1 Comments:
Criteria for grade:
1. A clear, original focus on a concept or idea;
• Yes. Family is one of the most important things to me but not to the extent of what my family wants me to find it.
2. Design which draws from established techniques for segmented essays (juxtaposition, parallelism, patterning, accumulation, and/or journaling);
• It’s segmented but I am not sure if there’s a pattern to the segmentation. Each first sentence of a new paragraph however does deal with progression through time and dealings with events.
3. Rigorous, multi-faceted development of your focus;
• The family aspect is built upon and augmented continuously. The last half of the essay doubles back on the aspect of family time evenly and uniformly.
4. Movement among multiple perspectives;
• Situations were discussed from the point of view of the write and mom/family.
5. Use of detailed, relevant examples or illustrations;
• Yes, especially in the second to last paragraph.
6. Aesthetic and logical coherence;
• Things seem to go in chronological order, so yes it is logical. It is also pretty detailed and straightforward so it was also aesthetic.
7. Sentences which are relatively free from errors.
• Yes.
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